Whores, attention whores ... and other news

The economy in Columbus is so bad, whores must advertise on Craig's List.

Since the Saints won, does that football player have to marry that Cardassian? And what does it mean for Bajor?

I don't see the Super Bowl helping New Orleans at all. Like people need a reason to go there to party.

They're so happy the Saints won the Super Bowl, they're shooting each other in New Orleans. Imagine if they had lost.

About the "Green Police" ad during the Super Bowl ... I'm wouldn't be too worried about some environmental goofball driving a Prius.

Did Obama pick the Colts? Or the Saints?

New poll shows 44% of Americans have their heads up their butts.

The Dow closed below 10,000 for the first time since ... earlier in the Obama administration. #

Penn Jillette had a column about Obama's latest Vegas insult.

Some are feigning getting all upset about Palin writing notes on her hand. Or, maybe they really are upset. Hard to tell.

Best line about this came from BOTeleprompter: Big Guy says he'd write speeches on his hand, but would lose place when he wags his finger at the American people.

Some on the right criticized Palin, too. Which set off a (mostly) good-natured back-and-forth between some on the right. My favorite slap on that one was when Dr. Melissa Clouthier used the phrase "Sullivanesque".

A couple of Firefox add-ons --Master Filer & Sothink Web Video Downloader -- contain malware. (Tip: mikepfs)

Is anyone surprised that Red Eye has better ratings than CNN prime time? Besides, me. You see, I didn't know CNN was still on the air.

Does Danica Patrick's new NASCAR vehicle have a double-sided lighted makeup mirror?

The US Patent Office won't accept faxes that are upside down. Really. And some people want this government in charge of health care.

If they finally got Hell hot enough for Ted Kennedy, you knew it was just a matter of time for John Murtha.

Best line about Murtha's death came from Seth M I Hiles (WordMarvin): Dear St. Peter, Please judge Rep. Murtha more fairly than he judged the Haditha Marines.

So, what killed John Murtha? There are many suspects:

• The Tim Tebow commercial killed John Murtha.
• Sarah Palin's appearance at the Tea Party convention killed John Murtha.
• Making fun of Obama's teleprompter killed John Murtha.
• Earl Hebner killed John Murtha.
• Climate Change killed John Murtha.
• Peyton Manning killed John Murtha.

Turns out there's a report that Murtha's doctor nicked his intestines during gall bladder surgery.

The Florida Cracker shared these thoughts: Murtha has passed away -that is very sad- i think we should name an airport after him.

But, enough about dead low-lifes. Let's talk about me.

Memory loss is the third sign of aging. No, I don't remember what the first two are. Anyway, yesterday, at lunch, I couldn't remember where I parked. Turns out, it was in the 2nd and 5th place I looked. No, the car didn't move itself. I don't think it moved itself. But, the 2nd place I looked, I didn't see the car. I checked two other floors of the garage, then went back to that floor, and there it was. Sneaky car.

Super? I wasn't bowled over.

Super Bowl good news: the game was close and the outcome in doubt until late.

Super Bowl bad news: now we have to put up with a bunch of Saints fans that, until this year, weren't Saints fans.

After seeing the Tebow ad, my first thought was "Don't those who were complaining about the ad without seeing it feel silly now?" Turns out that they are now saying it promotes violence against women.


[YouTube direct link]

Video: Focus on the Family: Tebow

You can see the full spot, plus a second spot that didn't air, here.

The best commercial? I thought the Snickers spot was really funny:

[YouTube direct link]

The rest of the spots? So-so. Except one. The Late Show with David Letterman commercial that had Jay Leno was funny:

[YouTube direct link]

Yes, I did TiVo the game. And, used the fast-forward a lot. To get to the commercials. Overall, it was a waste of time.

It's the little things ... and other news

I think when Steven Crowder used the term "tallywhacker" on Red Eye, it's the first time I've heard it on TV.

You don't have to be an idiot to suspend a 9-year-old for a 2-inch LEGO gun, but it sure helps.

It's rained Thursday night and into Friday morning. I love driving in the rain. Wait, that's not the word. Hate. Yeah, that's it. I hate driving in the rain.

The number of people who lost jobs is up. But the unemployment rate is down. How's that work? It's because when people give up and stop looking for work, they aren't counted any more. That means that if Obama can get enough people to stop looking for jobs, the unemployment rate will go down to zero! And you thought Obama didn't have a clue.

Two feet of snow forecast for Washington, DC. If only it would stay snowed in until 2013...

These thoughts? If you're reading them for the first time, that means you aren't following me on teh Twitter. Shame on you. http://twitter.com/basilsblog

Cars without brakes, cars with brakes that don't use brakes, demon sheep, and other news

There's a problem with the brakes on the Prius? I didn't know they went fast enough to need brakes.

When I first heard that Sean Medlock (AKA Jim Treacher) was run over by a Secret Service vehicle, I figured that Joe Biden must have gone for takeout. Turns out it was a State Department vehicle. So, it was Hillary who put the hit out on Treacher, not Biden or Obama.

Obama says "turn off the TV." I do. Every time he's on the screen.

Demon sheep? Really? Demon sheep? Do I even want to know? (Tip: Jo of Jo's Cafe.

Well, I found out what demon sheep was all about. Now I can sleep at night. After I count sheep. As long as none of them are demon sheep.

All that fuss over the Tim Tebow ad to be aired during the Super Bowl? What about this ad from 1989? (Tip: Kathleen McKinley)

So now there is an "R-word?" What will they do when all 26 letters are used up?

Yesterday, for a little while, the white noise generator at work stopped. For a time, I could not only hear all the voices in my head, I could hear the ones in my coworkers' heads. Them folks is crazy.

Want more? Of course you do. And you can get more from teh Twitter: http://twitter.com/basilsblog

Son of Bob explains it all

Many things inspire a blog post. It could be something in the news, some overheard conversation, some random thought, or something read somewhere.

I read a comment at IMAO the other day that inspired me. Or tried to inspire me. I tried to write something based on what I read. But I couldn't. Oh, I could, but I realized there wasn't anything I could add to it.

IMAO regular commenter "Son of Bob" used Woodstock to explain Democrats. And he did it well:

Woodstock was their finest moment, when they were in charge of a field for three days. What happened? No food, no toilets, mostly mud, vomit, and people OD’ing on drugs, and no one could get in or out because they didn’t know how to park their own cars. They busted down the fences because they didn’t want to pay for a ticket. The Army that they were supposedly protesting against had to come in to feed them and provide medical support for them, and they left mountains of trash in their wake…and that was just three days…which they still tout as their greatest success. Now, they’re in Congress…and the White House.

I wish I had said that.

Dept of Depts Dept ... and not much more news

From the Odd Even When Not Taken Out Of Context Dept.
SHE: I got mustard on my log. ME: (silence)

From the Proud Uncle Dept.
Newspaper article of my niece being crowned Miss Wayne County (GA) last Saturday night is here

From the Too Much Personal Information Dept.
Men: If, during a doctor's appointment, he pulls out the rubber gloves, run. Run like the wind.

I had a doctor's visit, following up recent visits. I was sick enough to miss some days at work. I'm better now, but had this final visit. He went over a series of tests -- a really long list, as it turned out -- and for each of them, said the results were either excellent or normal.

Now, if you've ever met me -- or heck, even if you only saw me from a distance -- you'd be surprised at that. I'm old -- my 50th birthday is a thing of the past -- and overweight -- 185 pounds was a long time ago -- and in excellent shape? That's what he said. He's also at a loss to explain why.

So, it appears I'm as healthy as a horse. In fact, I have an appointment scheduled with the glue factory.

But about those rubber gloves... he did ask me a series of questions, including how well I sleep, and whether or not I have to get up in the night to urinate.

I admitted that it's common for me to get up around 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning to go pee. That's when he broke out the rubber gloves, and started opening the drawer where he keeps the lubricant.

He did his bit, much to my displeasure. And, afterward, he had some more questions. That's when it came out that I often drink several glasses of tea or bottles of water between supper and bedtime. He determined that, because of the amount of fluids I drink at night, it's probably reasonable for me to get up at 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning to pee.

So, men, here's one final piece of advice: if your doctor asks you if you wake up to pee, and you drink lots of fluids before bedtime, tell the doctor before he goes spelunking. You'll thank me later.

If all this hasn't discouraged you from doing so, consider following me on the Twitter: http://twitter.com/basilsblog

Pageants, groundhogs ... and other news

The best laid plans... Things didn't work out for the trip to see my niece in the Miss Wayne County pageant Saturday night. But, there was good news anyway: SHE WON! My niece is the new Miss Wayne County, and will compete in the Miss Georgia pageant!


Tuesday was Groundhog Day. Fun movie. But really... Groundhog Day? It really doesn't make much sense. But, then, which makes less sense: groundhogs predicting spring, or weasels proclaiming global warming?

One little-known fact about February 2nd: If Obama bows to someone, it means 6 more weeks of winter.

Sarah Palin is calling for White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel to be fired. Actually, I disagree with the former governor. I don't want Rahm Emanuel to be fired. I want him front and center every day, reminding people what kind of low-lifes you get when you vote for ass-clowns like Obama.

Baptists and the Haitian orphans

Ten Baptists from Idaho are being held in Haiti after attempting to leave the earthquake-devastated country with 33 Haitian orphans.

This is shocking. Who knew there were Baptists in Idaho? And not just Baptists, but Southern Baptists. Have these people never seen a map? Idaho isn't southern anything. Except maybe southern Canada.

But there is a secondary aspect to this story: Baptists are being accused of child-smuggling.

Unless you're a Baptist, this might come as a shock. But it's not a shock to me. You see, I'm a Baptist. And not just a Baptist, I'm a Southern Baptist. So, you can depend on my telling you the truth about this issue.

Baptists are known for many things, mostly for what they don't do:

• Baptists don't drink.
• Baptists don't dance.
• Baptists don't have fun.

At least, that's the impression most people have about Baptists.

The other thing that people know about Baptists is that we've had three Baptist presidents: Harry Truman, Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton.

Most people don't remember Harry Truman, but neither Carter nor Clinton could be used for recruiting purposes.

But, Baptists are huge proponents of fund-raising.

Baptists are always raising money for some building project. Whether it's adding a new fellowship hall, renovating the sanctuary, or building a new church far away from all the undesirables that live the next street over from the current building, hardly a week goes by that a Baptist church isn't having some fund-raising event.

Southern Baptists have three big fund-raisers during the year: The Lottie Moon Christmas Offering (for International Missions), the Annie Armstrong Easter Offering (for North American Missions), and the Black Orphan Auction (for funding Right-Wing Extremist Missions).

As a Baptist, I'm asking you to support the missionaries from Idaho who are simply trying to good work. If not God's work, at least, Rush Limbaugh's.

Idaho has an extreme shortage of Black orphans. Have you ever seen a Black person in Idaho? No Black person would willingly go to Idaho. You can hardly convince a White person to go there. Well, if the choices were Idaho or Montana, then Idaho might be the choice, but otherwise, you won't find a single person of color. It's the Whitest state west of Delaware.

That's why the Baptist churches in Idaho need these Haitian orphans. Without the Black Orphan Auction, they won't be able to fund Right-Wing Extremist Missions. And if that happens, Air American will return to the airwaves.

You have been warned.

Osama, Obama ... and other news

Good news for Al Gore: He's convinced Bin Laden to join his cause.

With his Global Warming stance, Bin Laden is now odds-on favorite for the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize.

BREAKING: Bin Laden announces support for Obamacare.

Enough about Osama. But, about that other dude that's trying to destroy America: I think Obama would be more popular if he had a laugh track.

Oh, on an unrelated note: Did Apple have to pay royalties to Carrot Top for the design of the iPad? I know I saw one in his act in Vegas.

Let's see what's on the schedule for today... Oh, yes, my niece is in a pageant. She's competing in the Miss Wayne County pageant tonight. So, today will be a day of traveling, dealing with relatives I miss, as well as dealing with relatives I don't miss.

State of the State of the Union ... and other news

Obama gave a speech the other night. Did anyone else know about this? In case you missed it, here are come thoughts on it...

What Obama's been doing lately has helped conservatives. Good news: Obama doesn't quit. He's gonna keep making conservatives look good. Me like.

Obama said "I take my share of the blame for not explaining it more clearly to the American people." Which is his way of saying "It's my fault you're too stupid to understand." Jeri Thompson agreed.

What I heard Obama say: We need more cowbell!

Someone else made the news. Associate Justice Samuel Alito was seen saying "not true" to Obama's criticism of a recent Court ruling. Why did Alito say that? He's too polite to say "Who voted for this ass clown?"

Jake Tapper suggests that the Court might skips next year's State of the Union.

About the State of the Union speech, and the GOP response, read this by Kathleen McKinley.

Oh, as for Chris Mathews "forgot he was black" comment, I agree with Doug Mataconis: The only time I watch MSNBC anymore is when somebody sends me a YouTube of Chris Matthews latest insanity.

One final thought: Obama's State of the Union speech killed J.D. Salinger.

Did you hear? Ford -- the car company that turned down bailout money -- made a profit in 2009.

One last dig at Obama: Even a liberal like Feinstein says don't try KSM in NYC.

You use the Twitter? No. Maybe if you followed me, you'd change you mind. Or not. http://twitter.com/basilsblog