PGH Assignment: Generous Non-Americans

The Alliance, in addition to keeping watch on the Evil Glenn Reynolds, wants to keep tabs on events in the world today. They have asked that we find out what Generous Non-Americans are doing to aid tsunami victims. Assignment in hand, I set out to work.First thing I did was turn on my Linux computer. You must understand that Linux is very popular in Europe. Couple of reasons. First, it's free. And worth every penny. Next, it's not from Microsoft (a division of Lucifer LLC). Microsoft represents all there is about America to Europe. It's big. It's brash. It thinks it can do no wrong. And what it says, goes. Most of the time. Of course, Linux represents America, too. It's new on the block, relative to others that have been around a while. It's a different concept, where people contribute to make everything better. It's ... Hey, I'm getting off on another topic. I'll talk more about Microsoft and Linux another day. Unless some other blogger takes this and runs with it. Hell, I might do it anyway.

But, I was going to talk about my research into what Generous Non-Americans are doing to help tsunami victims. So I will. Anyway, I turned on my Linux computer. I use the Linux computer, along with a special European browser called "Renard Du Feu" because with that configuration, I can talk to the European computers and they'll never know the difference. Stupid European computers.

I turned it on and connected to the Internet. Since the U.S. owns the real Internet, I had to go to the European Internet. It's just like the real Internet, but instead of typing "www." before the Web sites, you type "lll." For the fontally challenged, those are three lower-case "L"s. So, I went to http://lll.generousnonamericanshelpingtsunamivictims.com/ to see what was up. I found all kinds of information there. And it puts our country to shame.

For example, French citizens have given $125-million. The government of France is offering a debt moratorium until the hotels can be built back. Then the locals can start repaying the loans. Selling children and whoring out young girls ought to allow the locals to catch up on the loans in just a few years. Such thoughtfulness puts the U.S. to shame.

Likewise, Germany is offering what tsunami survivors need the most: debt reduction. Such generosity means that those hardest hit can search through rotting corpses and collapsed buildings looking for loved ones without having to answer the phone and deal with European bill collectors. Such compassion puts the U.S. to shame.

Even the locals are getting into the act. Thailand is going back and digging up those already buried. In addition to using DNA to identify those hurriedly buried, they can move them to another less desirable location while the original gravesites are cleared for new hotels for white Europeans to relax in comfort.

All of this assistance to recover from the tsunami shows just how greedy Americans, who have privately contributed mere tens of millions, are. And how selfish U.S. corporations, who have contributed a paltry $302-million (only $110-million in cash), are. And how unconcerned the U.S. government, which has pledged only $350-million, is.

When I see the Stars and Stripes flying, I hang my head in shame. Why oh why couldn't I have been born a European?