Makin' Bacon out of a Molehill

Well, well, well.

It's seems I got somebody's goat. Or pig. Or something.

A post I wrote that appeared both on my little blog and at IMAO has garnered the attention of Ace of Spades HQ. Okay, it was the IMAO posting. They've never heard of my little blog.

The took extreme exception to my ridiculing the purchase of ham by the government. The government didn't like people poking fun at them either. The Secretary of Agriculture went so far as to issue a statement that they bought a lot of ham for that price, not just 2 pounds. They said they paid $1.50/lb., which is about twice what you can find it for on sale at your favorite grocery store.

Heck, I thought we did good, poking fun at government spending. I even got a jab in on the Twitter, saying that "In 6 months, Obama has taken government spending from pork to ham." Some folks didn't get it, completely unaware that ham is a special cut of pork, missing the backhanded jab.

So, what's Ace of Spades HQ -- good folks, by the way -- got to do with all this?

It seems they've declared war on IMAO over it. Because I "dared to insult ham and by association all other delicious pork products (including bacon) by questioning its value under current economic recovery programs."

I understand why they're targeting IMAO. It's one of the big fish. My little blog is ... well, small. It's not worth their efforts. They're targeting the big boys. Like when weasel lawyers go after big companies when some regular guy does something to offend some thin-skinned cry-baby. IMAO is the big blog, so Frank J., Harvey, SarahK, spacemonkey, Right Wing Duck, et al, are now targeted. Over something that I wrote.

Well, let's set the record straight, shall we?

I was called "a blogger named after an herb." They are referring to "basil," pronounced "BAY-sill." In fact, my name is "Basil," pronounced "BAZ-il," a name of Latin origin that means "kingly."

My love of pork? I would not say that it's legendary, but I would say it goes back as far as I can remember. I dare say I've slopped more hogs than most of the commenters ... and bloggers ... at Ace of Spades HQ. I'd wager that many of them have never heard of slopping hogs.

Most of them have only been to pig barbeques in just one state, much less in multiple countries, as have I.

How many of them, I wonder, can say that their relatives were known for the pork products they served in their hometown?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Bacon is a regular around here at breakfast. As it should be.

Unless I eat breakfast on the way to work. Then, it's either bacon or sausage, depending on my mood. And where I eat. If it's Cracker Barrel, then it's ham, bacon, and sausage (the Sunrise Sampler®).

And, it's just not Christmas around the house here without ham sandwiches while we open presents. Ah, the smell of the Christmas ham cooking when morning comes!

Heck, I bet these supposed pig experts don't even know the words to Peter Percival Patterson's Pet Pig Porky. I had the album.

However, I will say that I'm not ape-sh*t crazy over pork products. And, I like Spam®, because it's made of pork shoulder and ham. It tastes great. It's spam (UCE) that I don't like. Many pork purists don't care for Spam®. But they probably don't like peanut butter and jelly.

So, if the folks at Ace of Spades HQ have a problem with anyone, it's with me. Not with the good folks at IMAO. Heck, guys, check out the sidebar! I'm listed on the blogroll, not as one of the official bloggers list. I'm merely a guest. Frank J. has been kind enough to allow me to post from time to time. Taking aim at Frank J. is unfair.

If any of the pork posers at Ace of Spades HQ have a problem, it's with me.

And, if any want to settle this, we can settle it like men. That's right: Barbeque pork ribs at 20 paces. Warning: I'm from Georgia; I'll make you squeal like a pig.

War Over!

Gentlemen and Ladies...

Allow me to be the first to congratulate you on bringing a swift and successful conclusion to the war with Basil White.

Being a man of honor, he late Tuesday night surrendered the fight.

I respect that in a man. Knowing when he's beaten. And Basil White did not lose to a better man. Rather, Basil White lost to the best Army on the Web ... the soldiers who came to Basil's defense in the war with Sortapundit ... and who came to Basil's defense this week.

Your service ... albeit brief ... was critical in its overwhelming response in making this war a quick campaign.

Thank you for your service.

And, those that are in the area of any appearance by Basil White ... well, heckle him at your own peril.

The way is over.

Peace reigns.

A Call To Arms

Gentlemen and Ladies...

Recently, Basil was googling himself ... and no, that's not as dirty as it sounds ... and discovered that he was tops of the Google listings for the name or word "Basil". No mean feat, to be sure, since there are lots of famous people named Basil already around. Plus there's that herb that some people cook with.

No matter. Basil ... the Basil of this very Basil's Blog ... was tops of the Google rankings. And it took 20 months from the launch of this little blog of his to make it to the top.

One of the Basil's that was now ranked below our Basil is a comedian that lurks around our nation's capital. Basil White operates out of the seat of our government ... or the area around, I should say ... and makes people laugh.

Have you seen the guy? Hell, just looking at him makes me laugh.

Still, bringing laughter to proud Americans is a good thing. And Basil White has been doing a good thing at great American institutions like the Bentz Street Bar in Frederick, Maryland. And at the Del Rio in Leesburg, Virginia. And at ZIG'S in Alexandria. And at Wiseacres Comedy Club in Tyson's Corner, Virginia.

Laughter is a good thing. It serves its purpose. And bringing laughter is a noble mission.

But sometimes it's time to get serious.

And that ne'er-do-well Basil White has crossed the line!

When he heard that our Basil was tops of the Google listings, Basil White took comfort in the fact that he is tops in the Google search results for "Basil White." As well he should be. But when it was pointed out that Basil ... our Basil ... is tops for "Basil White Trash" ... well, that didn't set too well with Mr. White.

He's gone and declared war!

Well, Basil White ... if it's war you want, it's war you shall get.

Everyone ... everyone able-bodied man, woman, and child ... 18 and over ... that's going to be in the area of these locations, stop in and visit. And heckle him! Heckle him unmercifully! And maybe a chant or two. You'll think of something:

• Wed., Aug. 16, 8pm, headlining at the Bentz Street Bar in Frederick, Maryland. In the heart of Frederick City at 6 South Bentz Street and Patrick Street. Reservations are recommended (301) 620-2222. Directions at Bentz Street Bar Web site.
• Fri., Aug. 18 9pm & Sat., Aug. 19 9pm, headlining at Wiseacres Comedy Club in Tyson's Corner, Virginia. That's his home club. 8401 Westpark Drive at Route 7 in the Tysons Westpark Hotel across from Tower Records. Reservations at 703-734-2800. Buy tickets here.
• Sat., Sept. 16, 1-5pm, & Sun., Sept. 17, 1-5pm, Basil White is teaching a class at the Bethesda, Maryland Writer's Center: "Applying Standup Comedy Writing Secrets" to poetry, fiction, literary reading, etc. Map and directions here. The class description is here, and you can register at 301-654-8664.
• Sat., Sept. 23 @ 10pm, headlining at the Del Rio in Leesburg, Virginia. South side of Route 7 (aka 701 E Market St) between Fort Evans Road and Prosperity Avenue. Online directions here. Call (703) 777-9554 for reservations or visit the Del Rio Web site for directions. First three SLOB members who show up with a printed e-mail message from Basil White get a FREE CD! To join the SLOB, send your ZIP Code to this address.
• Fri., Nov. 10 @ 8pm and Sat., Nov. 11 @ 8pm, headlining at ZIG'S in Alexandria, Virginia. This is a live taping for his new DVD. Zig's keeps its full dinner menu open until 2am. 4531 Duke Street west of Jordan St. in Alexandria, VA, about a mile East of Landmark Mall in the FoxChase Shopping Center. Online reservations here, or just call them at (703) 823-2777. Point-to-point driving directions here. First three SLOB members who show up with a SLOB message from Basil White get a FREE CD! To join the SLOB, send your ZIP Code to this address.

Oh, if you can't make it to one of his appearances ... HE'S GOT A BLOG! Visit his blog and tell him he can't win this war.

Now, fellow soldiers, we implore you to remember the Rules of War.

• No spamming! That's a war crime.
• No hacking of Web sites. That's a war crime.
• No talking about his mama. Never mind. She's fair game!

We'll show Basil White what White Trash is all about!

We didn't start this war. But, by God, we'll finish it.

That is all.

Area 51

As we noted on the most recent Lunchtime post, the Commisar of The Politburo Diktat has updated the map of the Empire of Blog. Of course, it's broken down into the Kingdoms of Kostria and Wingery.

I also noted that this little blog didn't appear on the map. Some thought I was whining about that. But that's incorrect. I was merely pointing out that fact.

Why, then, was this little blog left off? Easy. We are the secret weapon of the Kingdom of Wingery. Naturally, we officially "don't exist" and are not on any map. Just like Area 51.

But rest assured, we are a part of the battle ... and we contribute to the cause when hostilities flare.

This little blog may or may not appear on future revisions of the map. Regardless, our presence, like the Dreamland secret weapons, will be felt.

UPDATE: The latest version of the map does indeed show us. And we're where the blogs on the Left will never see us! Heh.

Sortapundit 2

Now that the Blog War vs. Sortapundit is over, and now that Sortapundit has joined us, we were musing the other day: "Now what?"

Turns out Sortapundit may have the answer: Sortapundit.

Okay, let me explain. Sortapundit (http://www.sortapundit.com/) found the new blog Sortapundit (http://sortapundit.blogspot.com/). And while he's not angry, he is a little put out.

I'm not quite sure what to do about this one? Is the name Sortapundit my intellectual property? Am I covered by copyright laws? I've been using it for over a year now, so surely I've got some sort of claim on it.

Anyway, I'm gonna leave it for the time being, and hope this guy just gives up after a few weeks. If he gets an Instalanche before me, though, there's gonna be blood.

This might be interesting. Now, Sortapundit didn't ask for help from the Blog Warriors. But, since he's one of us now, I'm thinking we might want to help him out.

Now, my sisters could tell you, and the folks I work with could tell you, and ... heck, anybody that knows me can tell you ... I like to mess with folks. Not bad. But enough to get their attention. In a friendly sorta way. Heh-heh. I said "sorta."

Anyway, here's what I did. I visited Sortapundit (http://sortapundit.blogspot.com/) and left an on-topic comment about a couple of posts. And I didn't use my Blogger log-in to leave the comment. Yes, I have one of those. What I did instead was left my name, but left http://www.sortapundit.com/ for my web site.

Now, Adam and Christopher, who run Sortapundit, seem nice enough. Of course, I've only read a few posts (they only have a few posts), so they may be serial killers, for all I know. But, I'm just wanting to get their attention a little. They've each got another blog they do with a third person, so ... well, I don't know.

Anyway, I'm thinking a little nudge might be fun. I'm not getting mean or anything. Just wanting to get their attention. After all, Sortapundit (http://www.sortapundit.com/) is on our side now.

They may see the humor in this. They may get all mad. Let's find out what happens.

Oh, and before anyone starts at me, yes, there were several "Basil's Blogs" already in existence before I started this one. But none had bothered to register a domain name. basilsblog.net was available. (Oh, and don't get cute and try to register basilsblog.com or basilsblog.org, okay?)

I looked at the top hits for "basil's blog" and found the ones that came up to be old sites that hadn't been updated. After I started, I found another "Basil's Blogs" that is current. But he uses the name "Basil's Meanderings" in addition to "Basil's Blog" so I'm not too concerned about that one.

Anyway, I'm going to give Sortapundit a hand and see what happens. Who knows? It might start a war.

What do you think?

Blog Warriors

When the Internet connection here was lost Sunday morning, the Great Blog War with Sortapundit was coming to a close. With this little blog nearly incapacitated, others in the War continued the fight, and at 12:49 PM (BST) on March 28, Sortapundit conceded.

Blog War Update

By now, you know that the Blog War with Sortapundit is over. The many, many sites that joined our side have our eternal gratitude.

Right now, we're still experiencing diminished Internet connectivity because of the lightning strike Sunday. We're borrowing a dial-up Internet connection at the moment, so we've got to keep it short. That also helps explain the abbreviated Headline News tonight.

We'll have more about Sortapundit tomorrow. Right now: Sortapundit, thank you for being a worthy competitor.

Lightning, Etc.

Not that there would have been a lost of posts today anyway, but I've got a really good excuse: Lightning.

It has put our Internet service out. I'm borrowing a connection for this post.

At least I'll have some stories to tell.

In the meantime, go visit Sortapundit. He has been kind enough to withhold attacks during my emergency. Plus, if 100 people click on a link he has and take 30 seconds to visit in good faith, he'll post pictures of himself sitting in a pond. Plus he says a charity will benefit. Check it out. It might be worth your while. I'll furnish a duck for the pond if logistics can be worked out.

Again, to Sortapundit, thanks for the uncalled truce. And to all who have joined the fight against Sortapundit, thank you for your support. We'll need your help when hostilities resume!

Sortapundit Is Going Down!!

Sortapundit deserves credit for hanging on this long. On the other hand, continuing on in the face of overwhelming odds indicates either a fighting spirit, or sheer madness. I'm thinking both.

Sortapundit's Life Just Got Hard

Sortapundit is back on the defensive again. The 24 hour cease-fire for White Trash Wednesday has officially ended and hostilities can resume any time. The battle continues, and we have a ways to go. Of those in the battle, our forces lead most of the phrases, and have the top spot in several. However Sortapundit's forces have the top spot in some areas.

But, we have good news. Very good news. Although this little blog and Sortapundit are both members of the Alliance of Free Blogs, the Alliance has decided to take sides. Harvey of Bad Example announced that the Alliance has taken our side!

That in itself should be enough to convince everyone that it's just a matter of time before this war reaches the inevitable conclusion of victory for the Blog Warriors battling Sortapundit.

24 Hour Cease Fire

Sortapundit has said he will be visiting some of the kin folk at the Trailer Park today as part of White Trash Wednesday. We've got kin folk there, too. So, to avoid unnecessary bloodshed, we're asking that all participants in the Blog War observe the cease-fire.

Note that hostilities have not ended, but in the same spirit as the Christmas Truce of World War I, we're calling a truce so some families can have a good time.

We expect that the battle will be rejoined at 12:00 AM Thursday. We appreciate your support and your efforts in this epic struggle, and firmly hope and believe that we will prevail.

Sortapundit Is White Trash

No, this is not a personal attack against Sortapundit. He admits as much on his Web site today. And that's one of two things he says about himself today. The other is that he isn't French.

Join The War Against Sortapundit

As the battle rages against the evil Sortapundit, we on the Good Guys side have been gratified by all the support we have received. And we would like for you to join the fray. If you need background, read the background posts here. Or visit one of the Blog Warriors listed below.

To join the War against that crumpet muncher Sortapundit, here's what we ask:

I'm An American. Sortapundit Isn't.

Like there was any doubt. And, even though he won't take our side is this great Blog War, we do thank Pirate's Cove for leading us to this quiz.

Captain Teach, I'm having a difficult time believing you answered the questions about being for us or against us in any way that would not support the great cause of Americans against that crumpet muncher, Sortapundit. [UPDATE: Pirate's Cove has since declared on the side of the Good Guys in the battle against Sortapundit.]

In fact, Sortapundit has begun a quest for foreign aid. We Americans are notorious for our willingness to assist others, sometimes more than each other. But that's part of being an American. And we will help out Sortapundit in his time of need. And we encourage others, those part of this coalition and those who haven't taken sides, to assist Sortapundit. Because we're Americans. We'll help you with our right hand while bashing your skull with our left. Or the other way around. It doesn't matter. We're Americans.

Sortapundit Will Fail!!

Sortapundit is hanging tough in this battle. Although Sortapundit has made some advancements, others who have taken up the cause in this Blog War have made the outcome clear.

That crumpet muncher Sortapundit, who wears a thong -- and not a pirate thong, mind you -- continues his futile battle to capture the top spot in the seven sacred search terms.

All brave members of the Good Guys in the battle against Sortapundit and his minions (but hold the cheese) are asked to continue the task of posting the seven sacred search terms and calling the thong-wearing crumpet muncher Sortapundit bad name.

That'll show him.

The War With Sortpundit: Update 2005-03-19

The war against that crumpet muncher, Sortapundit, is progressing. The Bad Guys have made some progress in their attempt to surpass this little blog in the search engine rankings of certain phrases.

We cannot express how excited and proud we are that so many have taken up our cause:

The Alliance
21st Century Paladin
Assumption of Command
BOBO BLOGGER
Down for Repairs
EckerNet.Com
GOP and College
GOP and the City
hamstermotor
ManicViking
Mean Ol' Meany
MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy
natenichols.net
Nickie Goomba
Ogre's Politics & Views
Our Life
oystersnout
phin's blog
Pirate's Cove
Sortapundit
The View from the Bunker
Travis Benning
Tursiops Times

The battle continues, and both sides have made strides. Since the battlefield results are so fluid, we are offering this table to see where everyone rates in the current rankings:

Blood is Thicker Than Water

It appears that I have neglected my family duties in the past few days. My esteemed brother has had a brit wanna be declare war on him over a few phrases. The first phrase, strip clubs in Ohio with midget strippers (or was that supposed to have quotes around it like "strip clubs in Ohio with midget strippers" was the first phrase to fall. I found out tonight, after returning from my daughter's soccer game, that Jamie Lynn Spears Naked (was that supposed to have quotes around it too like "Jamie Lynn Spears Naked") fell. Both of those are sore disappointments for the good guys.

I wonder how much time it will take for the brit (who has a poor British dialect in his writing) to realize that resistance is futile. Of course, I may be slightly prejudiced--later for it. Does the bad brit truly believe he has a fighting chance to overtake basil on the remaining phrases? Those phrases not yet fallen include Gizoogle, Paris Hilton's cell phone number, The Niggas at DFNCTSC, Girls big tit and free big tit sites.

Althougth I am not a true blogger, I do realize that blood is thicker than water--even if the water is a big pond with a puny little island on the other side. Understand, this means war, Sortapundit. A war, Sortapundit, is what we live for. You have picked the wrong blogger, Sortapundit. Basil is a true American (I would have put basil with a small b, but it is the beginning of a sentence). He will not lose the war even though you temporarily won the battle for strip clubs in Ohio with midget strippers (or was that supposed to have quotes around it like "strip clubs in Ohio with midget strippers"  and  Jamie Lynn Spears Naked (was that supposed to have quotes around it too like "Jamie Lynn Spears Naked").

Remember, basil, I am here. I am faithful and true. I will fight the good fight, I will stay true to the course, I will finish the race.

Let me also mention my pride in seeing that moehawk, phin,  BOBO BLOGGER, GOP and the City, and Travis Benning have joined forces in this war. Thank you from all of basil's family.

I am most sincerely and truly yours,

The Mean Sister (who is 5'6'')

Shock And Awe

Well, Sortapundit? Had enough?

What's that you say, Sortapundit? You say you leaped ahead of me in not one, but two of the sacred seven search phrases? True enough. But there's more to it than that, Sortapundit.

You must never have played chess: You never, never leave your king vulnerable.

To All Allied Blogs

A message has been sent to all the blogs who are engaged in battle.

If any other blogs wish to assist in the Good Guys (currently, Americans all) against the Bad Guys (the SortaBritish Sortapundit and his pet skunk), you are invited. Just leave a comment or a TrackBack.

We have lost two of the sacred seven search phrases, but will strive to bring them home safely. Again, thank you to all members of the Good Guys Alliance in this epic struggle.

---

BlogRoll of the Good Guys in the Great Blog War vs. Sortapundit:The Alliance
21st Century Paladin
Assumption of Command
BOBO BLOGGER
Down for Repairs
EckerNet.Com
GOP and College
GOP and the City
hamstermotor
ManicViking
Mean Ol' Meany
MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy
natenichols.net
Nickie Goomba
Ogre's Politics & Views
Our Life
oystersnout
phin's blog
Pirate's Cove
Sortapundit
The View from the Bunker
Travis Benning
Tursiops Times

Jamie Lynn Spears Naked

It is with deep regret that I must inform the allies in the Great Blog War vs the Franco-Anglo Axis that another search phrase has fallen. Although on the generic search (no quotes) we remain above Sortapundit, on the exact search (with quotes) Sortapundit has passed us on the MSN search for "Jamie Lynn Spears Naked."

We are, of course saddened by this apparent loss of the phrase to the enemy.

He is a calculating, worthy opponent and it will take nothing less than our very best to vanquish him.

We will continue our efforts to drive him down in the ranking for our sacred seven search terms:

• Gizoogle
• Paris Hilton's cell phone number
• The Niggas at DFNCTSC
• Strip clubs in Ohio with midget strippers
• Girls big tit
• Free big tit sites
• Jamie Lynn Spears naked

We thank all of our allies in this epic struggle against the Bad Guys.